This is my life, enter only if you must..

The pain comes and it goes but when it's all said and done, I'm the one left alone. I feel the numb and empty feelings that have continued to haunt me.
I want to take the razor to this soft flesh that encases me. I want to feel the cold penetrate and then be replaced with the stinging pain, as the blade goes deeper and begins to ripe a path for the next stroke.
Who says pain isn't good?
I love to watch the blood come to the surface and then run down my arm to my wrist, and as a sigh escapes me the blood spills from my fingers to pool on the floor. It's this pain and then as the blood mixes with the tears from my eyes that keeps me sane. In the morning my bed will be empty and the blood will have dried on my arms.
The day will pass me by as I stand and stare out the window. I will watch as the tears fall from these blue eyes.
I will watch in envy and hatred as the people walk out in front of me. I will hold out my hand but those who see it will recoil from it in distrust.
I will begin to bite the hand that feeds me as it will have first bitten me. I will not have thought twice about hurting those who have hurt me to begin with. I will take down who so ever gets in my way.
I will survive upon my own accord, I shall not be stopped.
I WILL PREVAIL!!!
You look at me with eyes wide and yet you do not speak. Have I caught your interest or do I strike fear within your heart?!


~Ember Of Pain

So here I am all alone cause Anthony has duty today and when that happens he has to stay on the ship all day till the next day. I wont see him till tomorrow morning, I might get a phone call and I know I'll get an e-mail from him, but it's still hard on us cause we miss each other to much. I never thought that I could fall for some one in the military cause I know how hard it can be on the relationship at times but you know I was surprised about it all. Besides it's not like he just joined, he'll be out in Oct. And then it's off to Texas most likely, even though there are those who saay it wont last but what do they really know about love. I would follow him to the ends of the earth and back. I never understood why people just can't be happy for you, it's like they have to rain on your parade because they can. It's just not right or far. And yes I know your going to say that lifes never far, but damnit I deserve a little happiness in my life. With everything I've been through in the past five years. I don't ask for much these days cause there is no point in it. So anyways I will end this with if you know someone who is happy in their life don't tell them the bad stuff just let them learn on their own and be happy for the moment.



Ember of Pain

The stuff that looks really morbid is just my poetry. I'm suicidal I promise, this is stuff to keep me going and not want to think about the hurt and pain that has happened through out my life. Matt I'm doing just fine. Thank you for being so concerned. I let you in on a little secert if you like. I am head over heels, madly in love and this time I truly believe it's for real cause he feels the same thing for me. I know this for a fact cause he can't stop talking about me to his family (who positively adore me since they met me) and his friends (who think I'm the best thing to happen to him)he is talking about making a real life for us and he wants to put a ring on my finger. I've even talked about having kids with him. now if you know me then you know I've never really wanted kids. But things have changed since I have been with him, hell they started changing the day I talked to him on line. So to all that have been worried about me things are going good in my life and just keep getting better.


Ember Of Pain

When the time comes it will be all over it will never be as I remember it, but it will be as I have always dreamed it would be. Love will have nothing to do with it, but it will be involved with it all. Fear is inevitable and can not be ran from. Who will hold you in the highest love and admiration? Who will take back what you feel? Who will hold you in their arms and never let go? It will be the longest road that you will travel, for I have walked this path. I have seen the horrors and felt them in my soul. I dreamed the deadly dreams that others dare not to. I will take to the highest heights and return with the knowledge that will get me through this life that I have been given.


~Ember Of Pain

So the dark veil of socetiy has finally lifted for me. My Dark Prince has come to take me away for this cruel place we call a world. I am now sleeping in my bed of blood red roses that will comfort me for all of time. This is my dream of ever lasting love and I shall not be disturb.